Deathly Choices - Insights From a Motivational Speaker

Have you ever said one of these …

or something close to it

 

‘You don’t understand, I’m stuck doing what I'm doing because it's beyond my control’

‘I have no say in the matter, someone else controls this stuff’

‘Hey, I’ve come too far down this path to turn back now’

‘I wish it was different but it's outta my hands!’

 

Now I can’t speak for you

but I have said things like that in my life

or I should say

I used to say things like that

 

Then I met someone

someone who taught me the distinction between

I can’t change and I won’t change

 

and this person showed me

it was just a convenient excuse that I was hiding behind

 

this person’s name was Jimmy da fuse Filliagi

 

Jimmy was in and out of trouble all his life ...

 

he was your punk kid around town

 

and as many young men from Lorain County, Ohio found out,

the worst thing you could do to Jimmy

was get in an argument with him

and poke-him-in-the-chest ...

that just made him explode ...

That's where he got his name

Jimmy da fuse  

He had a violent temper

 

 

and that short fuse was lit

in an argument with his ex wife.

 

The powder keg went off

and he pulled the trigger of a gun

that was pointed at her head.

She died instantly.

 

Jimmy's murder trial had a lot of coverage

because his lawyers invoked the Twinkie defence.

 

Twinkies are these exceptionally sugary processed buns

you get in vending machines.

They argued that Jimmy's poor diet

of sugar-laden Twinkie bars

caused a chemical imbalance in his brain

and he was therefore

not responsible.

 

There was a lot riding on this defence argument

because if accepted,

two thirds of Americas prison population

who come from poorer socio-economic groups

with sugar laden diets 

would all be lining up to walk free.

 

It was a great story which is why I was there covering it for ABCTV.

 

I went to visit Jimmy.

 

Death Row at Mansfield State Prison in Ohio

is a prison within a prison within a prison.

Death Row is a place of very few choices

and this lack of choice

is immediately apparent when you get there.

 

You get to the big door with the words Death Row on it

and if that doesn't freak you out enough

you are all of a sudden

no longer asked,

you are told what to do.

 

Pass your ID through the slot,

stand back from the door,

don't touch the door.

Set up in this room,

the prisoner will come in,

the prisoner will be removed at exactly 60 minutes from now.

Do you understand these instructions as I have explained them to you?

 

It's funny what sticks in your brain.

I clearly remember hearing Jimmy da Fuse rattling before I saw him.

He was shackled

ankles to waist,

waist to wrist.

He literally rankled down the corridor.

 

He shuffled in.

He was a big man 

Italian origin.

Handsome   

charismatic

and he would quickly win you over with charm

then loose you just as fast when his ugly side came out.

 

We asked him about life on death row.

 

He lived in a 2m by 3m concrete coffin. His words.

He told us Death Row inmates are locked down for 23 hours every day, every day.

 

If you’re listening to this episode now

and you’ve got the opportunity right now, to stop

and stand still,

just do it for a quick moment.

now walk 6 paces

123456

now stop

In his one hour a day

outside of his 2m x 3m coffin

the most he ever moved in one direction was 6 paces.

 

And I asked him what was the one thing he missed most of all?

 

He said

he y-e-a-r-n-e-d for choice,

he had all choice taken away,

and it's not till it's gone

that you realise how valuable choice is

 

and then he very candidly

told us about 2 choices he gets

that very few people get

 

He had to choose between death or death

 

This was in 2003

and many US states

only offered lethal injection as an alternative...

it wasn’t mandated law.

Death row inmates had to choose between the traditional form of execution

which in Ohio

was the electric chair

or

lethal injection

 

In Jimmy’s words, “How’s that for a choice, death or death”

 

And then he went on

he said

when you only have a few choices

those choices become very important in your life

 

he said

‘you wanna know how freakin' messed up this place is in here?’

 

There are guys in here who

make a big deal about choosing the chair,

they choose to fry and pop in the chair

his words

just so they can say

they took the tough option

they faced it like a man.

 

and then he said

the kicker is

the people they are bragging to

won't live to tell the story ...

you wanna trade places with me?

 

and then he told us something else

another choice

that ... fingers crossed ...

you and I never have to make.

 

 

Ohio State had what was called the volunteer program

that allowed death row prisoners to waive all appeals

and, in essence, queue jump the line

to the execution chamber.

 

Jimmy chose to be a volunteer.

 

 

and that day

as we drove out of the Mansfield State Prison

I was acutely aware of all my choices:

do we turn left do we turn right,

will we use GPS or the map,

lunch now?

or stop an hour down the road.

 

Meeting Jimmy on Death Row showed me

we have so many choices -

and the average person gets

10 million choices a year

 

and all these choices are just opportunities in disguise

opportunities for you to change the story of your life

it call be as small a choice as vanilla ice cream or chocolate ice cream

The point is we all have choices

and that’s not to say that your situation isn’t difficult or tricky

but we all have the power to influence the direction our lives take

 

 

So I’ve given up making convenient excuses

that I can’t do something

I now know that 99% of the time

it’s that I won’t do something

 

 

You know how to work out if it’s something

you can’t do

or

you won’t do?

 

I use what I have privately named

the Jimmy Test

you call it what you want

It’s a little macabre

but it really gives me clarity

on whether I can do something

or I’m just making excuses.

 

Here’s an example.

 

Lets say I said to you

Would you join Toastmasters and learn public speaking

 

and you say

you don’t understand,

I’m not a public speaking type of person,

I can’t do it.”

 

The Jimmy test is simply adding these words

‘otherwise your whole family will be executed next month’

add that to the end of the initial question

 

so the question now reads

“Would you join Toastmasters and learn public speaking otherwise your whole family will be executed next month”

and your new answer would be yes, yes, of course I can, I’ll start  right now.

 

This simple test has helped me see

that so much of what I put up as excuses

is just that

excuses

 

So when you are thinking about

what changes you would have to make

to tailor make a career for yourself

always ask

I can’t

or I won’t

make changes?

 

 

On April 24, 2007 Jimmy da Fuse Filliagi

he got his choice to ‘volunteer’ realised.

He got the needle

and he got it early.

 

and this leads me to one last point

with all these choices

that we are so lucky to have

the 10 million choices a year

there is something even more restricting

and counter productive

than the confusion between I can’t and I won’t

 

Theodore Roosevelt said

 

When faced with a decision

The best thing you can do is the right thing

The next best thing you can do is the wrong thing

The worst thing you can do is nothing

 

and even though Jimmy rarely made the right choice in his life

 

and we certainly know he made a very wrong choice

 

I’ve gotta give the guy credit ... because he didn't make the worst choice ...

 

which was to do nothing ... even with so few options left to him he didn't say it's outta my hands

 

and as an odd by-product of all of this

I've now got a murderer as a role model ...

who would've thought

 

In the next episode you’re going to learn the two qualifications you need before you should even begin to think about tailor making a career online.

 

Summary:

The passage reflects on the theme of personal responsibility, using the story of Jimmy "da Fuse" Filliagi, a death row inmate, as a powerful example. Jimmy's violent temper led him to commit a horrific crime, resulting in his eventual execution. However, his story highlights the value of choices—both big and small—and the way we often hide behind excuses, claiming we "can't" do something when, in reality, it's that we "won't." The speaker shares their personal realization, influenced by Jimmy, that we all have control over more choices than we often admit. The key lesson is to stop making excuses and take ownership of the opportunities in life.

Lessons Learned:

• Choice matters: No matter the circumstance, you still have choices, even in difficult situations.
• Excuses vs. Responsibility: It's important to distinguish between "I can't" and "I won't." Most limitations are self-imposed.
• The importance of action: Making the wrong choice is better than making no choice at all.
• Perspective on freedom: Realizing how many choices we have compared to those in more extreme situations can give us perspective and gratitude.
• Clarity through the Jimmy Test: A thought experiment helps determine whether something is truly impossible or simply an excuse.