Is Your Life Coherent? - Insights From a Motivational Speaker
Who Am I? What Do I Believe? Where Am I Going?
In a world filled with noise, expectations, and prescriptive advice, it’s easy to lose sight of what truly matters. Dave Evans, co-author of Designing Your Life, challenges us to ask: Is your life coherent? Are your actions aligned with your values, beliefs, and aspirations?
I recently revisited a conversation with Dave on The Good Life Project podcast, and his ability to distill complex ideas into simple, poetic truths struck me. One phrase in particular stayed with me: “We camp on the bookends of points of view.”
He wasn’t looking for truth in dogma—he was searching for coherence in life. And that’s what this post is about: living in alignment with who you truly are.
The Myth of Work-Life Balance
Evans shared a personal story that many can relate to. Working 80-hour weeks, he overheard his three-year-old son ask his mother, “Can we play with Daddy today, or will he fall asleep in the chair again?”
That moment hit hard. Like so many, he was chasing “success” while trying to be an engaged parent. But the math simply didn’t add up.
- Society tells us to give our careers 12+ hours a day.
- Sleep experts recommend 8 hours of rest.
- Parenting guides emphasize the importance of consistent quantity time with kids.
Add it up. It doesn’t work.
As someone who spent years in the high-pressure world of television, I saw this up close. Many so-called “role models” of work-life balance had massive support systems—or were barely holding it together behind the scenes.
Evans puts it simply:
"You have to decide in life—what am I going to work through, and what am I going to work around?"
Trying to “have it all” may be setting yourself up for failure. Instead, the real challenge is designing a life that makes sense for you.
Stop Trying to Be Someone Else
There’s a popular piece of advice: Find someone successful and do what they did.
Sounds logical, right? But Jonathan Fields, the host of The Good Life Project, challenges this idea:
"You are not them. You don’t have their life, their constraints, their abilities, or their dreams. Their path worked for them, but that doesn’t mean it will work for you."
Evans echoes this sentiment by referencing Parker Palmer’s Let Your Life Speak:
"I came to the realization that I was doing a noble job of living somebody else’s life."
Instead of mindlessly emulating others, ask: What are my strengths? What actually makes me happy? How can I design a life that aligns with me?
If You Can’t Fix It, Feature It
One of my favorite takeaways from this conversation was a saying from Outward Bound:
"If you can’t get out of it, get into it."
Evans shared how his inability to stay focused—once seen as a flaw—became a strength. He realized he excelled at “track switching,” making him highly effective in startup environments.
What if, instead of fighting against our perceived weaknesses, we leaned into them?
Building a Compass for Your Life
Evans teaches a framework called Designing Your Life, which isn’t about finding one right answer but creating a structure to navigate forward.
His three essential questions:
- Who am I?
- What do I believe?
- Where am I going?
When these align, we achieve what he calls a coherent life—one where our daily choices match our deeper purpose.
A Little Intention Goes a Long Way
At its core, Evans’ message is refreshingly simple:
- Stop trying to fit into someone else’s mold.
- Listen to multiple perspectives, not just one voice.
- Don’t just seek success—seek coherence.
As he puts it:
"There’s a lot of ‘should’ in the world. Stop should-ing on yourself."
The path forward isn’t about finding the perfect formula. It’s about experimenting, adjusting, and intentionally designing a life that feels right for you.
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If we haven’t met yet…
I never considered myself good at change until I went from
-average shot to army sniper
-home movies to National Geographic cameraman
-fumbling card tricks to a professional magician
-never swinging a hammer to building a home
-high school dropout to published author
-business rookie to selling a business
-stutterer to motivational speaker
Turns out I know how to change, I know how to make it simple, and I know how to stand on stage & make it fun so others want to do it too. Happy to talk dates and rates if you have an event.
#change #resilience #motivationalspeaker
